For those in the know, this album came out on 13th March and I’ve only just managed to finish listening to it although I’ve had it earlier than that. If that isn’t a red flag for you, let me make it clearer – this album is an abomination.

I think if I was told I had an hour to live I would listen to this album so it would feel like six years. In my history of reviewing film and music I have never heard an album begin so hideously that I immediately turned it off after a minute and then didn’t try to re-listen for a week. Time didn’t make it any better. DJ Jenifa is the new moniker of Gold Panda, who has done some pretty good stuff in the past but this is clearly his dumping ground for b-sides. He pretty much says it himself in the press blurb: “I realised I had loads of these tunes just lying around and put them together.”

The opening track Dresscode is a monstrosity. A child holding bagpipes being pushed down the stairs is a more enjoyable listen than this. The only lyrics are “Chelmsford. On a Saturday. White shirt. Blue jeans. Brown shoes.” repeated in different orders over a tedious beat. The talent in the creation of this song is negligible. So much so that I feel less intelligent just from having heard it. It’s the audio version of the VHS tape from Ring. I’m positive exposure to it curses the listener with a terminal disease. The only positive is if it’s Alzheimer’s I’ll hopefully forget I ever heard it.

Okay, so yes, you get it. I hate it. But what about the second track or the rest of the album you ask?

Well it took me another week to listen to the next track. Then another week for the third. And so on. Hence why it’s May now. It’s absolute meh. Basic unimaginative blandness. The real surprise is just how basic it all sounds. A short eight bar loop make up the majority of all the songs so even if there is a nice bit it literally beats your enjoyment to death. For example Trainfilters2 sounds like he sampled The Avalanches for a single bar and then looped it for several minutes. It is an abomination without equal.